


Negotiations and Trade Offs

by LeftyVoyager



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5422709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftyVoyager/pseuds/LeftyVoyager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janeway and Chakotay spend some time alone on a trade mission and find their shuttle under attack.  Once the excitement is over, they find themselves with one of the toughest assignments of all - recuperation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Negotiations and Trade Offs

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my favorite story that I've ever written, but I felt compelled to post it anyway because there are some elements that I really like.

Chakotay was in a spectacularly good mood. He was piloting a shuttle back to Voyager after a stuffy dinner that capped off a painful three days of trade negotiations with the Noetal species.

He realized that he was chattering a lot and saying very little as he awkwardly tried to compliment his travel companion on how she had handled the trade deal. The president of the Noetal Council seemed to be very unyielding, but Kathryn had managed to find a way to strike a deal that was surprisingly in Voyager's favor.

He was in the middle of prattling about how she had managed to seem so sharp even though there was almost half a day difference between the planet's time and ship time, and this species seemed to have no concept of coffee, much to Kathryn's chagrin.

Finally, she could stand it no more. She stood from her chair approached him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Chakotay," she said, a slight rasp in her voice, "How much did you have to drink?"

He chortled, which might have amused her if she wasn't in the middle of being tortured by a skull crushing headache. "Uh, maybe 3 or 4 glasses? How about you, Captain?" he asked.

"None - I was too busy looking for coffee," she answered. "Are you sure you're okay to fly this thing?"

"Worry not - it's mostly on auto-pilot," he answered. She rolled her eyes. "Look - I'm not even touching the controls!"

She leveled a half serious glare at him. "Please be quiet," she warned. She slid back into her chair and raised her hand to the bridge of her nose.

Chakotay wasn't too intoxicated to see the signs that she was tired and losing her patience. But he found trying to be still and be quiet to be a difficult task. Finally, he blurted out, "I hope they give us those biscotti-like things with the food they're sending Neelix. Those were so good. I think I ate six of them. Maybe seven."

"Maybe eight and that explains why I had to do all the talking and you didn't say a word," complained Janeway, not bothering to open her eyes.

Chakotay was unaffected by the barb. "I mean, how do they get them to taste like pumpkin. Pumpkin biscotti in the Delta Quadrant. It's mind blowing."

Janeway now had her entire hand over her eyes. The lighting in the cabin seemed unbearably bright, and Chakotay was still talking.

"Seriously, Kathryn. You. You are an amazing captain. Smartest person I know. You did it again," prattled Chakotay.

She sighed. "Commander, you're delirious."

He wasn't quite sure how much longer he was talking after that, but at one point, he finally looked over at her, and she seemed to be out cold! They were minutes from docking, and he was sure she wouldn't have wanted anyone to see her slumped over in the chair with her head at an odd angle, her mouth hanging open, and her hair, a mess.

"Captain," he called out, tapping her elbow.

"This better be good," she grumbled, waking up, slowly.

"Almost ready to dock," he announced. His level of intoxication had decreased dramatically, thankfully. He was worried he'd have to explain it to the Doctor.

Her eyes shot open. "Already? Thanks for letting me know." She straightened and double checked his readings. Standard procedure - not a lack of trust. When she finished, she stood, swaying slightly, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands.

"Of course," he said, steadying her. "Are you okay?"

"Exhausted," she admitted. The time difference and the detailed negotiations had caught up with her. She made an attempt to shake it off as she straightened up her hair.

"We'll be back on Voyager before you know it," he said reassuringly as he pushed some buttons on his console.

The ship suddenly jolted with a crash, sending Janeway directly to the floor of the shuttle and nearly wresting Chakotay from his seat. The action completely sobered Chakotay and Janeway snapped to full wakefulness.

"What the..." started Janeway as the shuttle took another blast.

"We're under attack!" announced Chakotay.

"Janeway to Voyager," called out the captain, hitting her console. And then to Chakotay, she ordered, "Commander, evasive maneuvers."

After a few seconds of static, Tuvok's face appeared on the shuttle's viewscreen, "Captain, Commander. The looters are in your sector."

"We see that, Tuvok. Where is Voyager?" she asked, bracing for another hit while a bead of sweat rolled down Chakotay's forehead as he tried to keep the shuttle out of the line of fire.

"Transmitting coordinates," announced Tuvok.

The strongest blast yet knocked her to the floor for the second time. "Kathryn!" called out Chakotay. But he couldn't go to her because he was piloting the shuttle. "Shields down to 37 percent!"

"Did you get the coordinates?" she yelled, lifting herself up. She could feel some bruises forming, and there was a cut on her cheek.

"Ay, Captain. We are two minutes away," answered Chakotay.

"Make it quick," she sighed and lowered herself into her chair where she hoped she would be better able to handle the bumpy ride. He allowed himself a glance to make sure she was ok.

While Chakotay piloted, Janeway looked for some way to get a tactical advantage. Finally, after the shuttle shuddered two more times, she found a weakness in their shields and fired.

"Direct hit! They're retreating!" called out the commander. "Docking in thirty seconds."

"Good," grunted Janeway with a grimace. Her shoulders slumped as she swiped at her cheek.

The Doctor met them in the shuttle bay. "Captain, you look-"

She held an arm up to cut him off. "I know how I look, and I don't feel like talking about it." She allowed him to run the dermal regenerator over her groaning as it erased her cuts and bruises.

"Straight to your quarters," he admonished. She stood stiffly and leaned against the wall. 

"I'll take her, Doctor," said Chakotay, holding out an arm. She leaned heavily on him.

As they started the walk to her quarters, she admitted, "Thank you, Chakotay. I'm so tired I don't think I would make it by myself."

"Anytime, Kathryn. I was worried about you," said Chakotay.

She gave him a weary smile. "You always worry about me. And I appreciate it." She rested her head on his shoulder as they rode the turbolift. "Are we there yet?" she complained.

The lift stopped at deck 3, and he guided her to her quarters. She opened the door, and he ushered her inside. "Kathryn, I might as well take you straight to your bed. Otherwise, I think you'll drop wherever I leave you," he chuckled.

"It's not funny, but you're right," she mumbled. She practically fell on top of her bed, not bothering to change or get under the covers. He placed a quilt over her. "Thanks," she sighed.

"Sleep tight, Kathryn," said Chakotay, making his exit. He wondered if she ever realized how much he cared for her. He sighed to himself. That ship had gone to warp; he was sure of it.

***

There was a reason why Janeway hated her EMH's latest mandatory sick leave after away missions policy. Too much time to think about things that she didn't normally think about. Like how vulnerable her shuttle could have been to common looters. And how she probably shouldn't have left her ship without its captain and first officer at the same time again. And how nice his aftershave smelled while her head was on his shoulder. Furthermore, how nice it was to lay her head on his shoulder. Was it his shoulder or would any shoulder do? Damn... She put her padd down. She had gone from working on updating her logs to catching up on reports to just trying to read for pleasure and found that she couldn't concentrate on anything. She paced her quarters. It was only mid afternoon, and she was going stir crazy. "Janeway to Bridge. Report."

"All systems are performing at optimal efficiency. We are finishing up receiving the supplies from the planet and have already sent the negotiated payment," said Tuvok. "Are you not on medical leave, Captain?"

She smirked. "I know, Tuvok. Thank you. Janeway out."

"Sickbay to Janeway," sang a smug computer generated voice.

"What?" asked the captain, her voice lowering an octave in her annoyance.

"No calling the Bridge. Doctor's orders."

"I am not going to let you hold me hostage on my own ship," she sniped.

"Captain," he cajoled, "You are not being held hostage. Go to the mess hall. Go to the holodeck. Go for a walk. But you are to stay away from the Bridge and Engineering and anywhere that might tempt you to work."

She bristled, mentally compiling a list of ways to decompile his program. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Kathryn?" he answered serenely.

She sighed, "Are you as restless as I am?"

"No. Just catching up on things I've lost track of," he answered. "It's nice to get a break."

"I could throw something at you," she snapped.

"You tried to call the Bridge, didn't you?" he said accusingly. She didn't answer. "Kathryn?" he asked.

She sighed heavily.

He figured he should probably stop making it sound like he was having such an easy day. He had actually been spending the day distracting himself from thoughts of his CO in his arms. Wondering if there would ever be a way to make it happen without her being injured or exhausted. "I'm bored, too, actually. Holodeck?" he suggested.

She paused, wondering why she had contacted him. She wanted to NOT think about him, and now, she was suddenly faced with prolonged leisure time with him.

She didn't answer, but he wasn't sure what to say, either. He hadn't planned to ask the object of his thoughts to be closer to him. Damn her!

"Chakotay," she started, "We can talk about anything, right?"

He was stunned. Was something wrong? "Of course. Always."

"Come over?" It was almost a command more than a question. He couldn't have refused if he tried.

"Yes - I'll be right there."

***

Chakotay was ringing his captain's door chime minutes later, wearing a casual shirt and comfortable slacks. Janeway answered, also dressed casually. She smiled disarmingly and said, "Relax, Chakotay. I'm fine. I just wanted to see you."

He gave her a dimpled smile in return as she motioned to her sofa and got their beverages from the replicator. "I thought you were getting tired of me." He sheepishly remembered his lack of bargaining prowess and inebriated ramblings of the last 24 hours.

"Never," she laughed. "You're cute when you're drunk." Flirting? Am I flirting? Oh, no!

Flirting? Is she flirting? He saw her blush quickly and focus her gaze on her coffee cup. "Am I?" he laughed. "Kathryn?"

She touched his hand. "How do you do it? All you have to do is say my name and my resolve goes right out the nearest airlock."

"Resolve?" He was seemingly struck frozen by the spark between them caused by her hand on his.

"Chakotay, really? I'm baring my soul, here," admitted Janeway with a smirk.

He laughed. "There's a reason why I had to use an ancient legend!"

Their eyes locked and neither could look away. "Chakotay," she whispered, their fingers now intertwined.

"I understand, Kathryn. I know why we can't. But you know I want to. I'll always want to," he admitted.

She slowly broke the gaze and stood up to stare out the window at the stars going by at warp speed. "Don't make promises, Chakotay. You can't wait for me. That's no way for you to live. Please, don't. These are my rules. My parameters."

"You're not alone, Kathryn. No matter what. I care about you. When we get home," he started.

"No promises. It's impossible for you to keep. I've already been disappointed too many times." Thoughts of her lost loves, Justin and Mark came unbidden.

Chakotay rose and went to her, placing his hands firmly on her shoulders. "Fine. No promises. But right now, in this moment, I'm still in love with you and fighting against it just as strongly as you are."

He thought she would protest, but instead she turned and looked at him again, the unshed tears in her eyes surprising him. "I love you, too."

Oh, how she hated mandatory leave. She just admitted to her first officer that she loves him. And he still loves her. What a mess!

"Damn it all," she muttered, pulling him into a hug and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Kathryn," he sighed, arms wrapped around her. She allowed herself to simply enjoy the closeness for a minute before stepping out of his embrace. She sat on the edge of the sofa.

"I'm sorry. I'm stringing you along," she sighed, directing her gaze at the floor.

"Kathryn. We've had this conversation. You can't go years without human contact. I can't either. No one can. Don't feel guilty because you need a hug." He sat on the opposite edge of the couch. When she raised her eyes, they were met with his. They both reeled from the electricity of their connection.

"I need so much more than a hug," she sighed. "This is a weakness, Chakotay, and if I just work at it, I know I can be okay."

"It's such a double standard. Why is it that when I fall for someone it's acceptable, but if you do, it's a weakness to be stomped out? It's not normal. It's not good for your health," argued Chakotay.

"Ugh. The last time I felt this way, I disappeared for three days with a hologram," she admitted.

"Ah, yes - Mitchell was it?" he asked with a wink.

Janeway laughed, "You know his name was Michael. But in all seriousness, how did that make you feel?" 

"Terrible. But I was happy for you in that I was hoping the arrangement was working for you," said Chakotay.

"It was great for the amount of time I was able to keep up the charade with myself. And then, I just realized how empty it was. Even when I stopped playing with his parameters and let things happen more by chance, it was still so ridiculous. I felt like everyone was watching me and tracking my holodeck time, even when they weren't. And then whenever I saw that you weren't checking, I would think you'd stopped caring about me," she said sadly. "The whole cycle made me feel helplessly depressed."

"About that - I have a confession. Did you notice how many times Paris checked?" he asked sheepishly.

"Several times a day! There were times I got Tuvok to agree to turn my commbadge off so that I could get some privacy!"

"Well, that was me," said Chakotay, pulling on his earlobe nervously. "And the computer was rigged to mask your location for anyone else who would ask. Thank B'Elanna for that."

She stared open mouthed at him for a full minute. He had never seen her so stumped before. She could follow the most intricate battle maneuvers. But she couldn't recognize how much someone could care for her. He found it endearing, but also incredibly sad, especially since he knew ultimately, she would refuse him again and every time he asked until Voyager was home. And he knew she fully believed that he would find someone else by the time that happened.

"Kathryn, you don't have to say anything. I know you're trying. I know your position, and I know your reasons. And I know you don't want to hear any promises or commitments from me. As long as you understand that no matter what happens, I will always have a place in my heart that belongs to you, I'm okay with all of it," he said, softly.

She moved to sit next to him and took his arm. "Thank you, Chakotay."

It was his turn to be surprised. "You're thanking me?"

She smiled. "We don't have an easy friendship, Chakotay. But I need you desperately, and you're always there."

He blushed. "You don't have to thank me. But I do have to leave. Or we lock the door for three days." He gave her a wolfish smile.

She felt herself melting when she saw his dimples. "Get out," she chuckled. But she couldn't stop her eyes from saying, "lock the door."

Chakotay was smart (dumb?) enough to look away. "Good night, Kathryn."

"Good night, Chakotay." She gave him a peck on the cheek, but her lips lingered for longer than they should have. It was the only thing she would allow herself to do. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and walked out the door, looking back for only a few seconds.

The end.


End file.
